According to Webster Dictionary definition, abandoned means “to leave completely and finally; forsakes utterly; desert”
He had left before I could say his name or know his face. So the empty hole in my heart was stomped there by non-other than Jerald Jones, my father. He abandoned my mother and I just months after I was born. I used to long for him. I used to need to know the answer to the question, why did you leave us? No, why did you leave me?
It used to burn in my stomach like an ulcer, disabling me. Being left does that to you, you know. It halts your growth as a person mentally and emotionally even if you try to fight it. It arrests your emotions, leaving you both vulnerable and impermeable all at once.
To leave empty or alone, unfrequented
“Get the fuck out of my car Naaji”.The toxic and venomous words poured from his lips as deadly as any slithering reptile. It was as if this was something he had been wanting to say for sometime now. “What,” I said frozen in my wrath. He pulled and tugged at my arm. I got out for fear of tumbling from the seat hurting myself. No need for my body to be as hurt as my feelings. He pulled off the tires screeching out from the curb, burning rubber to get away from me.
“Damn! He’s gone,” I thought and although I was quite capable of getting home by myself-he had left me. My tears dried as quickly as the fell from my eyes in the newly hot summer sun. The pathetic reason he offered for this violent and hostile tirade, was because he didn’t have the twenty dollars to put down on a tuxedo for my prom. I knew it was because of his deflated ego.
The home I once wanted now sits on a deserted street. I longed for that house and what it would represent. I made up stories about the Thanksgiving dinners my mother would prepare in the kitchen of that home. In my mind I placed the Christmas gifts under the Christmas tree that would sit in the picture window. We never got that house; it never became my childhood home. But the two-bedroom apartment I share with my mom is all I will ever need. Sometimes it’s okay to be left as long as you find yourself.
Written by Naajidah Jones, Eng 100 F, Spring 2009